I've done questionable things, and extraordinary things. I've created memories with others, and by myself. In time, most of these will fade, like tears in rain, as so beautifully described by Roy Batty in Blade Runner, aka Rutger Hauer.
He was right, you know. We do so much in our lives that won't live past the end of us. So many things, events, experiences, that die with us. Many that are shared, but with each person lost, one of the perspectives is gone forever, until the last memory is lost. And over time, for most people, those memories can change, get tinted, be romanticised, or even simply disappear in the expanse of our minds. We write down tidbits on social media with snippets of photos and video, sharing a shadow of what we've seen, a reflection, but without the depth or emotions of the experience. A tiny 2D window into a much richer world.
He was right, you know. We do so much in our lives that won't live past the end of us. So many things, events, experiences, that die with us. Many that are shared, but with each person lost, one of the perspectives is gone forever, until the last memory is lost. And over time, for most people, those memories can change, get tinted, be romanticised, or even simply disappear in the expanse of our minds. We write down tidbits on social media with snippets of photos and video, sharing a shadow of what we've seen, a reflection, but without the depth or emotions of the experience. A tiny 2D window into a much richer world.
How scary is that? How fleeting our experiences, our lives, everything we are, everything we've been... Then nothing. Though that's not strictly true anymore, I see people leave what they write up on social media as their projection and perspective of their day-to-day lives, often filtered to make it look like they're having a better time than they are, their "best self" that people seem to compete with, as if we have appearances to maintain. If we're lucky, we make a lasting impression on the world, preferably a good one. All we have that really matters is those we interact with, and how we do it. Be kind. Love and be loved. Don't stay in things that aren't good for you, don't be afraid to be in those that are, and try to learn the difference between the two. It's okay to not know what you're doing, but don't be afraid of that. It's paralysed me in the past, so often. I have caused a lot of damage to others, because I didn't understand the cumulative effect of the damage I've incurred. I was always seeking to fill a void which could never be filled, because I was trying to avoid damage, single points of failure, avoiding taking any more hits to an already bruised heart. There's little point blaming myself - like so many things I've done, I simply didn't understand; a lack of understanding of myself as well as a lack of understanding of others. Sure, my brain ticks differently, but not understanding is still simply not understanding.
Make some good tears to be lost in the rain. You, and those you love, deserve it. They may not last, but you have what you have, right now, and the memories you have made. Learn from them. Smile at the good memories, learn from the bad - because let's face it, good and bad are all relative. Remember to just be, and live in the moment, if you can - because our past plus this very moment, the moment you're spending reading this text, is all we have. Our cumulative experiences, and the choices we make. Take the time to know yourself, and take the time to truly know others. Be kind to others. Love, smile, cry, and just be. Remember that you aren't defined by your previous experiences, but you can use what you got from them in the future, but don't let it taint you. Dont be afraid to ask for help too - we're not always capable of working things out on our own in our own minds, and you can almost guarantee you're far from the first to go through something. Don't be as locked down as I've been, be kind to yourself too, because it'll help you to be kind to others. Fear is a companion which walks with us after we've hurtled on the edge of precipices, and sometimes fallen off, and we know how much it hurts. It's too easy to try to bubble wrap yourself up and avoid being put in danger again, and I've done it, held people at a distance, refused to get too close, avoided getting trapped because I might end up with someone close, someone able to pierce my heart again. Sometimes to achieve truly great things you sometimes have to jump anyway across that chasm, regardless of how scared you are. Remember to challenge those fears, because while they're sometimes good guides and warnings, things change, as do people, including yourself. You're going to make mistakes, you're going to lose good people, you're going to hurt people, sometimes you're going to get hurt, but if you're trying to do the right thing, it's all you really can do, and to appreciate what we have right now, in whatever form that lies. And sometimes, go let those tears out in the rain. You never know how many more times you'll see it.
